How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
