Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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