Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize