they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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