The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
