hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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