She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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