I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
