so explain again why im purple
no
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
