i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
