i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
