My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
