definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
