We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You are a genius and a whore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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