Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
