i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As shirtless as possible
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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