You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
