I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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