Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
