Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
