I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
