this beer tastes like vomit already
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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