I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
