we have officially lost it.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
