i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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