I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
