i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
