Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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