I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
