So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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