well you can't waste a boner
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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