haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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