nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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