If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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