i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
