just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize