i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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