if you like me you must not know who I am
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
