I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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