..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
