He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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