I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
