Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it because I queefed?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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