i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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