oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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