he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
