Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
