When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize