Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize