Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
