He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
