I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize