I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
