Banned from zoo.
Again?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize