So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
