um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
