so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
