Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
