if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
