3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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