i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
