Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
