She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
