I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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