dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
