One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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