i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
