And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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