Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
