I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
