Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize