Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
