You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
