If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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