Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Randomize
