Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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