One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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