i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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