Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
