At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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