how can u be prego again
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
