I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
