ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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