Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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