Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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