just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
