I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
