Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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