i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize