There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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