What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
