peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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