Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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