tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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