wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am available for nakedness
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
