Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
