i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
