Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
