Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
