if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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