I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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