We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize