I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
