I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
